Tara and Patrick Correa share their story at the “Fully Surrendered,” couples conference at St. Rose of Lima Parish. IC photo/Linda PetersenLAYTON — A couples conference that focused on rebuilding marriages through the lens of Scripture was presented March 7 at Saint Rose of Lima Parish in Layton. The presenters, three couples from the Diocese of Stockton, Calif., spoke of their faith journeys in “Fully Surrendered,” sharing that they learned that marriage isn't about avoiding struggle; rather, it is about inviting God into it. True healing begins when couples stop relying on human willpower and turn to the sacraments, they said.
Vivian and Tino Scoto both experienced trauma in childhood that carried into adulthood and left them struggling to cope. Vivian’s mother, Mariana, suffered from paranoid schizophrenia for most of her life, which left her unable to be there for her children emotionally, Vivian said.
"In my experience as a child, 'Mom' was just another word for a woman who gave birth," Vivian said. "Growing up, my mom was not a normal mom. She was physically present, but emotionally absent."
It was mostly Vivian’s father who cared for the family. When she was 16, Vivian had appendicitis, but her parents would not believe she was ill until she passed out in their bedroom from a ruptured appendix. This lack of timely treatment left Vivian hospitalized for weeks. Much later, she learned the damage to her reproductive organs was extensive, leaving her unable to have children.
Tino, who was raised on a dairy farm, was heavily impacted by the tragic death of his brother Manuel, who was killed when a stove fell on him. He developed a "perfectionist" shell to gain his parents’ approval.
"The person I became was a young boy who relied on himself to be perfect. Anything else was unacceptable at that point. ... I was creating a little monster inside that was becoming too stubborn, too self-controlling, way too independent," he said.
The couple, who married after three years of dating, struggled with alcohol abuse during the early years of their marriage. Eventually, Vivian’s mother came to live with them. It was Tino’s consistent kindness toward Vivian’s mother, modeled on Ephesians 6:2 ("Honor your father and mother"), that allowed Vivian to see her mother in a new light.
"He was showing me how to love, a love that was not only words, but was seen by his example. ... I had to unlearn how and what I thought love was," Vivian said.
Eventually, Vivian and Mariana reconciled, and the two began attending church together and became active in the Eucharistic ministry. Tino did not join them at first, but eventually, while attending Mass with them, he experienced God’s grace, he said.
Another couple, Tara and Patrick Correa, shared their story regarding the devastating impact of infidelity. 
‘It's easy to praise and worship God when life is good, but can you praise and worship God when your life is absolutely, positively upside down?” Tara said.
After several challenging years and a separation, they felt they had reached rock bottom, but the couple found a way back to each other. After the betrayal of infidelity, they faced a choice between divorce and reconciliation. 
“God was giving me an opportunity to practice what I preached,” said Patrick, a former atheist who had joined the Church and become active in the ministry. “We always hear ‘What would Jesus do?’ and it really isn’t what would Jesus do, it’s more of this: Would you do what Jesus did? Can we use what we recite in Mass and what the Church teaches and what Holy Scripture says in the Bible to get us through the worst storms in our lives?”
The Correas chose to let go of the hurt and allow God to help them build a new, stronger marriage. Their path to healing was found in viewing their marriage as a covenant rather than a contract, and that forgiveness is a daily decision to trust, they said.
Deacon Dan and Kim Paulus addressed the struggle of pornography addiction within some Catholic marriages, including their own. They described it as a "hidden rot" that undermined their marriage and drove a wedge between them. 
At one point Dan got help and joined a support group but, determined to handle his recovery on his own, eventually fell back into his old ways. Then, after three sons, the couple learned that Kim was pregnant with a daughter.
“During that time, I had three revelations,” Deacon Dan said. “One, I realized that I needed to break free from this addiction, not for Kim, not for the kids, not for anyone, but for myself. If I [didn’t] take care of myself, I'd be no use to anyone else. Number two, I realized I was powerless over this addiction and that I couldn't do it alone like I thought I could fix it before. And number three, I needed help. I needed divine intervention. I needed God in my life."
The couple lost their daughter in utero, but Deacon Dan chose to handle that loss in a new way.
"The previous version of myself in this situation would have turned inward, escaped into my darkness, and self-medicated like I had done thousands of times before, but not this time," he said. "I turned to prayer. I leaned in on that little bit of faith that had been growing inside of me, and I prayed.”
Eventually, Deacon Dan was able to break free of his addiction and the couple rebuilt their marriage.
For each of these three couples, their faith helped pull them back from the brink. They found they had to stop relying on themselves and let God’s grace transform their struggles, they said. They proved that a "successful" marriage isn't a life without problems, but one where God can help transform even the darkest hour into hope for the future.
Local couples who attended the conference said the experience was valuable. Among them were Ashley and Justin Huven, St. Rose of Lima parishioners who have been married nearly 18 years. They attended to deepen their bond, they said. 
"We love each other. We want to work on our marriage and our relationship with God,” Ashley said. Justin added that they value taking time “learning more about our faith” together.
Similarly, Angie Lenderos and Mario Gonzalez of St. Francis of Assisi Parish in Orem, who have been married 10 years and have two children, felt the call to attend.
“There's always ways we try to improve each other, learn from others and especially to strengthen our marriage, because there's always room for improvement,” Lenderos said. “I think it's honestly good for both of us.”